PALIN MITENK BLOG

By Helen Weathers

Living a lie: Gareth Thomas pictured with wife and teenage sweetheart Jemma before their marriage ended in 2006


Gareth Thomas is a sporting legend. He captained Wales in 2005 to their first Grand Slam victory since 1978. The same year he captained the British Lions tour of New Zealand.

With 100 caps to his name - more than any other player in Welsh history - he has one of the fiercest reputations on the field, and a row of missing front teeth to prove it.

At 6ft 3in and 16st of pure muscle, his masculinity has always been an absolute given.

As a young man he bonded with rugby mates in the pub over tales of sexual conquests, and flirted with pretty girls eager to bag a sporting hero.

After his marriage in 2002 to teenage sweetheart Jemma - the woman he called his 'rock' - he spoke movingly of their desire to become parents and the heartbreak of her suffering three miscarriages.

And if anyone dared to suggest he was anything other than 100 per cent straight, Gareth 'Alfie' Thomas was prepared to make them see the error of their ways. With his fists, if necessary.

But, as he admits in the Daily Mail today, it was all a pretence, a fragile artifice - and one which came crashing down around his ears on November 4, 2006, following a Wales game in Cardiff.

Breaking down in tears in the changing rooms of the Millennium Stadium, Gareth finally realised he could not go on living a lie. Keeping his true sexuality a secret was destroying him.

Pretence: Gareth has won 100 caps for Wales and captained his country to the Grand Slam and the British Lions in 2005

That secret, which he'd kept hidden his entire career, was - he admits now - 'like a tight knot in my stomach, always threatening to seep out'.

He says: 'I was like a ticking bomb. I thought I could suppress it, keep it locked away in some dark corner of myself, but I couldn't.

'It was who I was, and I just couldn't ignore it any more.

'I'd been through every emotion under the sun trying to deal with this.

'You wake up one morning thinking: "I can handle it. Everything is fine," and the next morning you don't want anyone to see your face, because you think that if people look at you, they will know.'

That summer, he had confessed the truth to his devastated wife Jemma, unable to cope with the guilt of deceiving her.

But even as their marriage crumbled, he'd somehow hoped to maintain his charade for the rest of the world.

'My life seemed to be falling apart. Jemma and I were splitting up, and I was scared of the future and being single again as a gay man,' says Gareth, 35.

'A coach named Scott Johnson, a great man, came up to me in the dressing room after the game for a chat and I just broke down in tears.

'He said: "What's up?" 'I said: "Me and Jemma have split," and he said: "Oh no, what's happened?" Then he said: "I know what's happened, I know what it is."'

Somehow, the coach had guessed.

Proud: After coming out as gay in 2006, Gareth said none of his friends distanced themselves from him and he believes attitudes to homosexuality have changed

'He took me out of the team room to the medical room, locked the door and I told him everything. After keeping it secret for so long, I felt a huge rush of relief.

'Scott said: "Right, I've got to speak now to three or four players in the Welsh team because you need the boys to surround you and support you. You can't cope with this on your own," and he was right.

'He told two of my team-mates, Stephen Jones and Martyn Williams, and as I sat in the bar waiting for them, I was absolutely terrified, wondering what they were going to say.

'But they came in, patted me on the back and said: "We don't care. Why didn't you tell us before?"

'Two of my best mates in rugby didn't even blink an eyelid. Martyn said he never had a clue, would never have thought it.

'I felt everyone was protecting me and closing in tight around me. No one distanced themselves from me, not one single person.'

Since that confession to his closest circle of friends three years ago, Gareth says his team-mates at his club, the Cardiff Blues, now know - and apparently don't care.

Break up: The divorce between Gareth and Jemma will soon be finalised, but he says they are still in love with each other and remain friends
Today, however, he has taken the remarkable decision to go public. It's his choice. No one has forced his hand.
He just feels attitudes have changed and the time is right for sport to start accepting openly gay people in the same way other professions have in recent years.
Also, a big supporter of the NSPCC, he doesn't want desperate young people confused over their sexuality, or worried about any other issue, to suffer in silence, as he did for almost 20 years, too terrified to tell anyone.
The number of boys calling ChildLine about their sexuality has increased to 3,500 a year.
'I've been through all sorts of emotions with this, tears, anger and absolute despair,' he says.
'I wasn't sure if I ever wanted to let people know, and, to be honest, I feel anxious about people's reactions and the effect it might have on my family.
'It's been really tough for me, hiding who I really am, and I don't want it to be like that for the next young person who wants to play rugby, or some frightened young kid.

'I don't know if my life is going to be easier because I'm out, but if it helps someone else, if it makes one young lad pick up the phone to ChildLine, then it will have been worth it.
'My parents, my family and my friends all love me and accept me for who I am, and even if the public are upset by this, I know the love of those people who mean the most to me will never change.
'I'm not going on a crusade, but I'm proud of who I am. I feel I have achieved everything I could ever possibly have hoped to achieve out of rugby, and I did it being gay.
'I want to send a positive message to other gay people that they can do it, too.'

source: dailymail